Teenage Dirtbag
by Unrequited Hate
Summary: Percabeth based off Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus. (Some language, but nothing too explicit.) Written for the Word Count Challenge on PJFC.


**Teenage Dirtbag**

**Percabeth one-shot. Written for the Word Count challenge on PJFC and based off the song 'Teenage Dirtbag' by Wheatus.**

**(P.S: I'm British, so when I say football I mean soccer, when I say mum I mean mom, when I say braces I mean suspenders, etc etc etc. This also has references that you may or may not get but fanfiction has ruined my life and I sincerely apologize for this utter pile of shit.)**

Percy sure as hell isn't your ideal person.

He isn't your ideal son, your ideal boyfriend, your ideal best friend, your ideal anything.

He's a slob. He's scrawny, he's stupid, he's a loser, he's ugly, he's poor, he doesn't really give a shit (he thinks. He's probably right).

But he wants to be taller, muscular, cool, attractive, rich, popular, and everything that a girl could ever want. He hasn't really got a very noble reason for wanting to be better, though.

The reason's name is Annabeth. She's pretty, tall, curvy, popular, rich, and her boyfriend is the school's star football player. Coincidentally, said star football player really, _really _hates Percy, from some weird reason he doesn't know about. And still, he has no idea about Percy's crush on Annabeth, which is probably a very very good thing. Percy shudders at the idea of what Luke would do to him if he knew (kick his ass - hard).

Annabeth is _hot _and Percy wants her, but he knows he'll never actually have her.

Funnily enough, his next class is gym. With - guess who? Yeah, Annabeth and Luke. Surprise, surprise.

The worst thing is, Annabeth looks really, really good in her sports uniform (literally - Percy has to physically restrain himself not to drool at her ass in those shorts), but Luke has the eye of hawk and a nasty right hook. So yeah, Percy's kind of fucked.

Plus, prom's coming up. He hasn't got much of a chance of getting a date _without _a black eye, and he'll have none if he does.

So he keeps his eyes far, far away from the blonde in her tight t-shirt and shorts and her Keds and tube socks, and focuses on not falling all over his feet.

Unfortunately for Percy, they're doing football. So yeah, he gets hit and the face more than once. And yeah, Luke is responsible.

Sometimes Percy really, really hates Luke (alright, more than sometimes).

So after gym, he gets changed and goes home (he takes the bus, of course - he's not cool enough to have his own car - or is it the other way 'round?) to his mother, who spends the evening yelling at him for not cleaning his room and leaving dirty footprints on her cream-colored carpet and God knows what else. His mum works way too much, and Percy takes the brunt of her stress.

Oh, how wonderful his life is.

And oh, how wonderful it is to be woken up at 6 A.M by your own mother's blaring alarm because she has to get ready for work, despite the fact that she actually starts after Percy starts school and they could both spend another hour in bed.

But (because he obviously loves his mother so much), Percy gets up - he even makes his very own breakfast, how cool is that? - and gets ready for school. Needless to say, he's ready way before he actually has to leave, but goes anyway because he needs some fresh air, and the walk to school isn't all that unpleasant (more pleasant than that smelly, cramped, creaky bus, at least).

He makes it through the door of his first class ten minutes before it's due to start. The teacher, Ms Jenkins, is already sitting at her desk, grading assignments, and she shoots him a glare as he enters before going back to her work (not only does the entire student body not give two shits about him, the teachers hate him, as well - just great).

He slumps into a seat in the middle - so he isn't stereotyped as one of the nerds in the front or as one of the dickheads in the back - and pulls out a notebook, beginning to doodle. After a few minutes of that, he realizes he's been writing _'Annabeth Jackson' _and _'Perseus Chase'_ all over the page, surrounded by little hearts, and abruptly slams the book shut so no one can see. Which is pretty stupid, he notes, since he's pretty much the only person in the class, apart from Marcel, the class nerd, who's sitting in the front row, right in front of the teacher, and wouldn't give two shits about Percy's love life anyway.

So until the bell rings, he just sits there, leaning back in his chair with his chin on his shirt and contemplating the meaning of life. Hopefully he's not drooling on his shirt quite yet. (_Iron Maiden _is splayed all over the front of it - another reason why Percy's unpopular, although in his opinion, everyone should love and respect Iron Maiden.)

Prom is in two weeks, he realizes, and he'll probably be going alone. He'll also probably be the only person without a date. Hell, even _Marcel_ has a date - some gay drama kid with braces and a side swept fringe. Annabeth's going with Luke, of course.

Percy really does hope there'll be another loser going alone who he'll be able to stand by and awkwardly dance with just so he doesn't look like a total idiot.

And because he's unlucky like that, the next two weeks kinda fly by for Percy, and of course no one he asks wants to go to prom with him, of course they all 'already have dates'. (He really doubts the girl from the chess club with the greasy hair and the uneven teeth actually has a date though - she just really doesn't wanna go with him.

He doesn't want to seem desperate or 14-year-old-girl-ish, but if he turns up to prom without a date, his life will be over.

Guess what? He doesn't get a date. He goes anyway.

He takes his prom photos alone. His mum looks proud of him, but his mum is weird. After all, she's the one who forced him to wear this stupid white suit with this stupid gold-ruffle-y shirt and these stupid shoes with their fucking purple glittery buckles.

Percy blames his mum for the fact that he will be forever alone.

He heads off in the limo his mum hired alone, and arrives at the prom still alone - sadly, no breathtakingly beautiful girls in skimpy dresses had magically appeared next to him while he was in the limo, which would have been great but also quite unbelievable, and also probably would have scared the driver to death or at least to driving off the road.

He enters, and _of fucking course_ everyone is really well dressed and gorgeous tonight. Even Marcel and his boyfriend. (Really though. Marcel's hair, which is apparently curly, has been done up into a kind of quiff and his glasses have been exchanged for contacts, and his eyes are a very bright green now that the thick lenses have disappeared. It's a shame he's taken, but his boyfriend is actually hot as fuck too - that ass is _magnificent_.)

Percy ends up sitting alone at a table with a glass of - obviously spiked - punch (he feels slightly tipsy already, but he can't hold his liquor, so...), nursing his date-less-ness, his loneliness and his drink. And also a piece of cake he sneaked from the teachers' 'special' table.

He certainly doesn't fucking expect it when Annabeth Chase herself walks up to said table, swaying her hips just a little more than she does normally (at least Percy thinks).

"W-where's Lu-uke?" He stutters out.

"Why would I care?" Annabeth shrugs. She looks really, really good in a forest green, floor-length strapless dress that complements her eyes and hair. A pair of gold earrings and a blinding smile complete the outfit.

"Listen up, Jackson," she smirks, leaning forwards to rest her arms on the table. Percy tries not to look down her cleavage and instead glares at the boys behind her that are not-so-subtly ogling her ass.

"I like you," - Percy chokes on his cake -, "for some strange reason. Now, I was wondering... you like Iron Maiden, don't you, baby? Well, I've got two tickets to see them next Friday and... well, I've got no one else to take with me? So what do you say?" She smirks and leans forwards just a little more, and Percy's really struggling to keep his eyes off her cleavage now.

"Umm..." he mumbles (the dress is slipping down the slightest bit - you can't blame him if he can't keep his eyes on her face anymore). "S-sure?" He stutters. It come out more like a question than an answer, but Annabeth's face lights up anyway.

"Really? Sweet. Right, so meet me at the park at 7 on Friday. My mum'll drive us."

And then she blows him a kiss and leaves, leaving Percy slightly dumbstruck, with a glass of punch, chocolate-y crumbs and a concert ticket in hand (along with maybe, just maybe, her heart).

**-fin-**


End file.
